Self Realization

My whole life I was kind of a dud. Creativity wasn’t my strong suit. But over the past year I feel like I’ve unlocked my brain. For me, 20 was the year of openness. I’ve opened some door in my brain and it’s like a whole new me. I’m happier, I’m stronger, I’m so much more creative, and the past month or so, having taken some big leaps in my life, I’ve fallen in love with myself.

A rough break up, with someone in my life as well as with my old self. And I learned everything I was told about myself was wrong. For so much of my life, I was told facts about myself that I foolishly just believed. I never bothered to know myself I just was who I was told and expected to be.

I had to learn I’m not the smartest one in the room and that’s okay.

I had to learn that I’m not the introvert I thought I was, I’m just shy.

I had to learn my brain isn’t a giant piece of blank white nothing with no hope for creativity.

I had to learn that I can be a runner.

I had to learn it’s okay to try new things.

I had to learn how to make the perfect cup of tea. And that five mugs in a day is probably too much.

I had to learn it’s okay to be a little chubby and it’s okay to have a little pooch and still wear a bathing suit. I’m still trying to learn this one actually.

I had to learn I won’t marry the first man to tell me he loved me.

I had to learn that bangs actually look pretty good on my face! And a haircut is just a haircut.

I had to learn that I’m meant for more than what my high school friends thought I would be. And more than what I thought I would be.

And that’s all okay. I’m learning to love myself and spread my wings and fly from one new thing to another and another and another to leave my mark on the world and try to effect someone in a positive way. I don’t just want to, I am going to. And it’s going to be amazing. 

I don’t know what it will all be, but I like it already. I can’t tell you what it is really, but I can describe it to you. It smells like old books, it feels like a new keyboard, it tastes like a sharp pickle, and it sounds like the bubbles in the electric kettle. It’s the smell of dust after rain, it’s the lime flavor of ice pop, it’s the taste of scrambled eggs and sausage in the morning, it’s the sound of footsteps and breathing on a run, it’s hitting a new high speed in the car,  it’s excitement and I’m just waving my arms in the air running out of things to use to describe it.

I don’t know. It’s cool. I can’t wait. I want it. I don’t know what it is, but I want it. Let’s do it together.Or not. That’s cool too. Keep an eye out for some cool new stuff probably.

Until next time, as always, writing to you from M, Personally.

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